Yesterday I went back to the pharmacy. While I was waiting, two children came in with their father. They sat on the overstuffed chair next to mine. The girl, McKenna, showed me that she knew how to tie her shoes, and she eventually did. She was five. She also liked Disney Princess stories and could hopscotch on one foot.
Her brother Mathias was 3. He wore a frayed hospital bracelet and his blond hair was swept into a faux hawk. He was smiling but quiet. On his tiny feet he wore tiny shoes with yellow lions embroidered on the ankle.
The manager at our gym is very pregnant. The person who teaches next to Leah is also pregnant. Leah's other next door neighbor had her second child in January. She was on the Pill and got pregnant. We stopped watching E! News after seeing continuous Bump Watches day after day after day. Ashlee Simpson, Nicole Richie, Jessica Alba, Jennifer Garner, Naomi Watts, Jennifer Lopez (twins), Matthew McConaughney, and Brangelina (also twins) have all been featured. Both Colbie Smuthers and Alyson Hannigan on How I Met Your Mother are hiding their pregnancies behind large globes or flowing scarves or racks of basketballs.
Leah's brother and his wife married a year almost to the day after Leah and I. It was a lavish wedding at the La Paloma Hotel and Resort in Tucson, Arizona. It was the kind of wedding where the father of the bride wandered around looking dazed and checking the charges at the open bar (once closed and re-opened) and reminded all the guests how much the wedding was costing him during his toast. Leah wasn't drinking because she had ovulated the day before.
I was half in the bag already, but during the toasts, we saw something funny. The bride and groom were seated at a sweetheart table in front of the dance floor, and we saw the waiters pour their glasses. The bottle sat behind them, wrapped in a towel to keep cool. They were toasting with sparkling cider. We were the only ones who noticed, including Leah's parents.
J.C. and Melanie went to Hawaii for their honeymoon. They brought back gifts. For us, they brought back a five-inch wooden fertility Tiki that we now keep on the mantle by the door. Thanks.
The week after they returned home they announced that they were six weeks' pregnant. Why Melanie had torn open the zipper on the back of her gown was then explained. Baby Bryn was born in October, and is beautiful.
Leah and I have tried hard to deserve a child in this past year or so. I have tried to be kind to people, to smile at everyone I meet and to be less less judgemental of differences or others' faults. It has been good for me. I care more about others, which has made me a better person. I work harder for other people.
When I see a pregnant woman on the street or in the mall, or a father with an infant in his arms or strapped across his chest, I feel happy for them. It's a kind of bittersweet expectation that someday soon that should be me.
For Leah this has been more difficult. Every day she teaches the children of other people. When she went into her spring meetings, half of the teachers from her sister campus were expecting. She's been with me for ten years now, and been hoping for a baby for two. She's now seen her baby brother get a child when it was her turn. She says that it takes five months for her to stop being mad at someone who's conceived.
When Leah and I pray before bed every night, I pray for God to give her grace.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment