Day 17: Fertilization Report

Selfishly I was a wreck for the 36 hours following Leah's procedure. Leah was weak but well after the egg retrieval. She didn't want to eat or drink, but we forced Pringles Sour Cream and Onion potato chips and flat Coke into her until, exhausted, she napped for three hours. During that time, Sandy worked on the puzzle and watched old television shows from our DVR.

I feel bad that I didn't worry about Leah. I worried more about myself. My role has been relatively small during this time. I took my own small medications, which were complete. I made sure Leah took her medicines. But I took no time off. I didn't really sacrifice. Instead, I worried.

I feel like I have been training for my role in the fertilization for sixteen years for this day, and that I'd somehow screwed it up. I wondered what I would do if the phone call came in that something had gone wrong, and that there were eggs, but no active sperm to find. Our past sperm donor was located somewhere around Fairfax, Virginia. It would take at least two days to get another sample, and another $800.00. My closest genetic relative is my brother. Could I call him away from his school in Flagstaff? He doesn't know about our project; what would I tell him? Would he do it? Would he be more fertile? Would I ask my father? Would I tell Leah if I had to?

I know that I made at least one mistake in preparing my sample. I know that I forgot to write the collection time on the sticker when I made the deposit and left the clinic to go running. But did I remember to turn off the light (or turn the light on?) when I left, alerting the andrology lab that the sample was ready? Would my precious, lazy genetic material sit unused on that shelf until it was no longer viable? Would Fertility Treatment Center call if it did? Would I have enough left to provide more?

I wanted to think about Leah, to care for her and her exhausted ovaries and recovering body, but I was instead thinking mostly about myself and about what might be wrong with me. My greatest fear was that this would be the finest, greatest letdown that would waste the past three months and so much money.

Luckily, everything came out fine. Fertility Treatment Center called Leah Wednesday afternoon to give the report. Leah on the drugs produced 22 eggs. The nurse she talked to said that she'd only been working at the Center for a few weeks, but she thought that 22 was a great number for an IVF cycle. Of those 22 eggs, 19 were fully mature.

Fertility Treatment Center fertilized Leah's eggs using the Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection (ICSI). The doctors pronounce this "ICK-see." My memory of our IVF seminar is a little foggy, but the way I've been explaining it to my parents is that the doctor will grasp one of Leah's healthy eggs with a pipette, and grab one of my healthier sperm with a very small, very sensitive pair of tweezers. The doctor will then very slowly, very gently, jam my lazy sperm into one of Leah's eggs, and hope that nature takes its course.

I teased Leah that the embryologist was going to have a very long day considering how active Leah had been the past two weeks.

Of the 19 mature eggs, 15 fertilized successfully. I don't understand the success rate of these procedures, and the doctors are generally reluctant to provide averages. Part of me hopes this is because our situation defies the averages; Leah is so young and so healthy. Another part of me thinks that the doctors are wary of getting patients' hopes up. I don't understand what happened to the other four eggs. I understand that some couples have a hard time conceiving naturally, and that these things take time, but what happened here? Did a doctor's hand slip while performing the fertilization? Did one of the eggs fail? These are the mysteries of life.

The nurse that called Leah made an appointment for an embryo transfer for Saturday morning at 11:00 a.m. The nurses told Leah that even though they would prefer to freeze the embryos, there's a possibility that some of them may not survive the freezing process, and they'll want to implant them. Leah's father wants to make sure that if they do the embryo transfer, then we won't have to pay extra for the "real" embryo transfer in a couple months, after Leah's body has had an opportunity to rest.

After four days, we'll know how many mature embryos we have. I'm very excited, and I feel like, for the first time, that I have a part in this process.